you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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