I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
