I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
