I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
