There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
