dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
