Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
