Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
