Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
