I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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