Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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