I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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