Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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