you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
