Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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