I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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