Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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