I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
