He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
two words...techno handjob
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize