we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I AM VODKA MAN
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
We are all done wearing pants today
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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