it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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