your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
