Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
