Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
