porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
