do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
