I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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