Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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