she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize