you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
