He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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