i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
