i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
