i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
