I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
