I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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