he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
