he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize