It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
