A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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