you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize