U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
