Kiss
Puke
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
