dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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