If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
