if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
