I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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