yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
