im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
