see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
