Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
