Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
