Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
