I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
