I'm sorry my penis didn't work
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
