I'm sorry my penis didn't work
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
