soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
