Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I need moral support for this bender
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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