Your favorite bartender is back from prision
My pussy is not your playground.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
