he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize