Just cropdusted the office
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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