Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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