You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He shit in the fireplace
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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