Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
this just has baby written all over it
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
