I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
