I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
