Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
