I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
