Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
