I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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