I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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