I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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