I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize