i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
