We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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