ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
