Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
ttyl tear gas
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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