New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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