Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Randomize
