dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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