Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
