I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
