I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
