I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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