Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
