WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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