FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
