The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
